Set Me Free
by Sheena Is A Punk Rocker
Summary: "Hello, goodbye, 'twas nice to know you." Lemony Snicket is haunted by the memory of Beatrice.


_You didn't have to look my way  
Your eyes still haunt me to this day  
But you did. Yes, you did  
_

The first time he saw her was in their Secret Codes Class at the VFD academy. He was eleven years old, she was ten. He thought she was so beautiful—long brown hair and piercing blue eyes that scanned her paper as she took notes. But all it took was one look from her. One look and he could swear he was in love. Or as close to love as one can get at eleven years old.

Now, it was a regular occurrence to dream of blue eyes. He always woke up feeling more alone than he ever had before. Those blue eyes... He would never forget them.

_You didn't have to say my name  
Ignite my circuits and start a flame  
But you did  
_

She laughed at his name, just like everyone did. But it wasn't a mean laugh. It sounded nice and he explained while staring at his shoes that his parents wanted to be original when naming him and his siblings (although Kit got off lucky in the name department).

She just smiled and said she liked it. "It's unique."

Even years after that moment, his heart beat a little faster whenever she said his name.

_Oh, Turpentine erase me whole  
(Cause I) don't want to live my life alone  
(Well I) was waiting for you all my life  
_

It was bad enough trying to deal with being rejected but it was so much worse when she died. He was on the run by then, partly to avoid the pain of her not being alive anymore. He would never see those blue eyes again or kiss those lips again. He wished he could forget every moment he ever had with her. Surely never having known her would be better than this pain. He never loved anyone else after Beatrice.

_Oh  
Why  
Set me free, my..honey-  
Bee  
Ho-ney  
Bee  
_

She once admitted, with some embarrassment that her mother nicknamed her "Honeybee". He had laughed about it, just as she had laughed about his name. But he felt that it suited her. She could never sit still and was always buzzing about. He joked about calling her Honeybee, but he never did. He loved her proper name: Beatrice. She never got a nickname from him. She was just his Beatrice.

But he was haunted by her now, and he knew she was never going to let him go.

_You didn't have to smile at me  
Your grin's the sweetest that I've ever seen  
But you did. Yes you did  
_

When he first met her, she was missing her two front teeth. She had an adorable grin as a ten-year-old, but as she grew up, that smile became radiant. All she had to do was flash a smile his way and his heart would speed up.

Now he would dream about that smile. He would dream that she was walking down the aisle in a synagog—smiling that radiant smile of hers. Just as she reached him in his dream, he woke up, and remembered that they never got married and that he would never see that smile again. It would just haunt his dreams forever.

_You didn't have to offer your hand  
Cause since I've kissed it I am at your command  
But you did  
_

That root beer float "date" all those years ago led to them becoming the best of friends. But when he was sixteen and she was fifteen, things changed. That was the year she asked him to be her date for the annual VFD dance. He was already smitten with her, but when he saw her wearing that green dress, and when he kissed her hand, that's when he knew he would follow her anywhere and do absolutely anything for her.

That kiss on the hand later led to a kiss on the lips, and then to a relationship which turned into an engagement years down the line. And then finally, she sent that two-hundred page book explaining why she couldn't marry him. And then she died.

_Hello Goodbye, Twas nice to know you  
How I find myself without you  
That I'll never know  
I let myself go  
_

Beatrice was the most important person in his life. He lived to see her smile and laugh and tease him about his admittedly ridiculous name. He lived to comfort her when she cried and hold her when she was scared. He thought they would get married and start a family and grow old together. They didn't.

After she died, he seriously contemplated suicide. He would have gone through with it had any of his hiding places given him an opportunity. There was never any rope to hang himself, never any sharp objects for him to slit his wrists or throat, no oven to stick his head in, and no medication for him to overdose on. He was falling apart without Beatrice.

It wasn't until he found out that her children were still alive that he found his purpose in life—to tell their story. He would research it and publish it, hopefully clearing his name in the process. And he told himself that one day, he would find these unfortunate orphans and adopt them. He would have the family he always dreamed of having with Beatrice and the orphans would finally have a permanent home.

Of course, things rarely work out as planned.

_Hello Goodbye, I'm rather crazy  
And I never thought I was crazy  
But what do I know?  
Now you have to go_

He drove himself crazy trying to find those orphans. As he researched each unfortunate event in their miserable lives—each event more tragic and miserable than the last—he grew even more desperate to find them. Beatrice's children shouldn't have to go through this.

And then he got the letter from Beatrice. At first he thought he was going crazy officially, and perhaps he was. But then more and more arrived and it dawned on him that this was his niece. Even with that knowledge, he found himself avoiding the ten-year-old. He knew, deep down, that she wouldn't bear any resemblance to his Beatrice. She would look a bit like his sister, Kit, and a bit like Dewey, but she wouldn't look like his Beatrice.

He finally worked up the courage to meet with this persistent ten-year-old and with the first words out of her mouth, he knew he had found his purpose in life again.

"Mr. Snicket. I need help finding my family—Violet, Klaus, and Sunny."

* * *

**A/N**: So... not entirely sure how I feel about this. I struggled with it for a while and kind of just decided to post it. So feedback would be greatly appreciated! The song is called "Honeybee" and it's by a _really_ awesome Steampunk band called Steam Powered Giraffe. Everyone should check them out! This is the first time I've done a songfic for this fandom that didn't involve a Magnetic Fields song, but I thought this song was perfect for Lemony and Beatrice, so I used it. Please review!

**Disclaimer**: While I _am_ nerdy and Jewish, I am not, unfortunately, the genius known as Lemony Snicket (or Daniel Handler, if you prefer). So, I don't own anything. The song belongs to Steam Powered Giraffe.


End file.
